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A D V I C E A N D I N F O R M A T I O N : T I P S F O R P A R E N T S A N D F A M I L I E S
Raising Capable Children
Time after time, we discover that our children are more clever than we thought. Surprising moments come when they sagely comment on world affairs, make a play on words, or produce a drawing of "how my brain works." We also know that kids feel satisfaction and self-esteem as they gain mastery of life skills. So why is it so hard to get them to pick their coat up off the floor? How do we raise children who progressively grow more capable and independent?
1) Provide developmentally appropriate challenges.
We can't expect an 8-year old to fix a flat tire, but we can expect them to handle a screw-driver and replace the batteries in their own toys. Younger kids might not remember on their own to put their dirty clothes where they belong, but with reminders, they are almost certainly able to carry clothes to the basket. Every child is different, but the key is to encourage your child, step by step, to take the next challenge that they can handle.
2) Teaching children takes more time than doing it for them.
Without a doubt, parents are very busy people. Often the combination of too much to do, and a reluctant kid results in us doing for them what they can do for themselves. It takes two minutes to set the table ourselves but it takes ten to guide the children through each step of the process. So as you notice life-skills or tasks which are developmentally appropriate, plan enough time to show them the steps, and to watch your children practice. Teach them where necessary tools for tasks are stored, and how to use them safely (and how to return them to where they belong).
3) Pick the right time
Nobody really wants to nag others. Sometimes life is stressful. While kids are capable of learning many things, right after a tough day at school is not the time to decide to teach them to clear out the sticky remainders of their lunch-box. You'll get best results if your child is in the right frame of mind to experiment and learn.
4) Make it fun
We can't fool kids into thinking that 'chores' are going to be as entertaining as the latest greatest video game. But we can still model having fun while getting things done. Make fun conversation, be silly. Some tasks can be made into games or puzzles. Avoid turning skill-teaching into a competition, though-no speed races between siblings on who can 'do it faster.' Also, your own day-to-day behavior will model which tasks are fun and which are horrible. If you don't make a big deal out of doing something, your kids will be less likely too as well.
5) Notice and praise.
Everybody likes to be noticed for doing a good job. You don't have to be extravagant in your praise, but acknowledge your child's achievement. Concrete observations are better than generic praise. For example, a comment like "I noticed you remembered to set every part of the table, including the spoons" is more helpful than "Great job!" Even after your child has been doing something for herself for a while, it is worthwhile to 'notice them being good' and comment on their behavior and capability.
6) Be patient, expect to repeat instructions.
While we can expect our children to master new tasks, we will have to provide repeat instructions and encouragement. Probably you'll have to show them the tools and the steps more than once. If you persist, your kids will realize that you really do believe in their ability to this for themselves, and that you really do expect them to do it.
Each small task your child masters will give them the confidence to take on larger challenges. What is important is not where we are at, but in which direction we are moving.
A few activities kids learn to do:
Brush and floss teeth
Clean up after self
Pick up clothes, learn to operate the washer and dryer
Set and Clear Table, do dishes
Feed Pets
Water Plants
Get self ready for school/ ready for bed
Bake cookies, wash lettuce, other cooking tasks
Basic Carpentry (kids love to drill and hammer)
Raking leaves, yard work.
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