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A D V I C E A N D I N F O R M A T I O N : T I P S F O R P A R E N T S A N D F A M I L I E S
Fighting pain with pain
Teens who self-injure
They may be overwhelmed by the stresses of adolescence or trying to cope with the anguish of abuse. Some are looking for status among their peers. Others are simply bored.
Teens who intentionally cut, burn, bite or otherwise injure themselves often use pain on the outside to blunt the acute pain they feel on the inside, say counselors who work with young people.
Self-injury, as defined by mental health professionals, is "the intentional harming of one's own body without conscious suicidal intent." Experts believe that some 2 million people in the United States self injure and that the problem is growing.
Because many self-injurers work hard to keep their behavior a secret, the problem often goes unreported. If they do tell, they're more likely to confide in a peer than their parents, says Debbi Halela, a counselor at Youth Eastside Services (YES), one of the largest providers of counseling and prevention programs for youth in King County.
Halela works with a number of teens who have injured themselves as a way of coping with their emotional pain, sometimes associated with sexual abuse.
Self-injury also can be an attempt to ease anxiety, get attention, regain control over one's body, express shame or self-hatred, and escape feelings of depression, numbness and anger.
Halela advises parents to confront the problem directly, but to do it in a calm, non-judgmental way.
"Although finding out someone is self-injuring can be alarming and frightening, it is important to listen to them, offer them support and give them the opportunity to talk about their feelings," she said. "It is usually the emotional experiences behind the behavior that are the most significant, not the behavior itself."
The research, which is relatively new, has shown that self-mutilation tends to begin in adolescence, peak in a person's 20s, and then decrease with age. Experts believe more females than males develop the behavior.
Adolescence is a time of great stress and change, Halela says. Along with the transformation of their bodies, young people have to deal with a whole host of pressures, including identity questions, issues involving peers and the opposite sex, and rising academic and parental expectations.
While those who cut, burn, bite or pick at old wounds are trying to feel better, not kill themselves, it's not a problem to be taken lightly, Halela cautions. Injuries can cause scarring, may require medical attention, and in some cases can even be life-threatening.
The behavior also could be a cry for help. Allow a professional to assess whether or not a self-injurer has thoughts of suicide, she advises.
Parents may also want to find a counselor who can help their son or daughter find new and healthier ways to cope, Halela said. YES offers individual, family and group counseling as well as programs around a variety of issues, including self-injury, substance abuse, sexual abuse and dating and school violence.
Founded in 1968, the non-profit agency is dedicated to creating self-reliant youth, strong families and a safe and caring Eastside Community. To contact YES, call 425-747-4937.
One of the best things parents can do to prevent their child from developing self-injurious behaviors, Halela said, is to model healthy and positive ways of coping with disappointments and frustrations.
"Spend time with your child, and when they talk about the stressors in their lives, don't minimize or invalidate their experiences," she said. "Let them know you care, and that you are willing to listen."
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