 |
A D V I C E A N D I N F O R M A T I O N : P A R E N T I N G A D V I C E
Can’t choose their dates, but you can help them date safely
For most of us, the skills that go into maintaining a healthy intimate relationship – communication, negotiation and respect (both for one’s self and one’s partner) – are often hard-won through bumpy experience, the class of a lifetime.
So when our little girl or boy starts to date, we may feel a bittersweet mix of pride, loss and anxiety.
That last emotion isn’t unfounded: One in 11 high school students reports being a victim of physical dating abuse, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The numbers shoot way up when you add emotional abuse.
Frightening as those facts are, any parent knows you can’t stop them from growing up, and dating is part of that. You might look at it as a kind of Learner’s Permit that allows adolescents to practice Relationships 101.
Our children will no doubt experience the inevitable boyfriend/girlfriend fender benders. And, while we can’t shield them, we can set some safety ground rules and help them recognize what is and isn’t healthy.
We can also be available to talk about intimate relationships even if we think our babies are too young. Note: Most teens start dating or “hanging out” about age 14.
Here, then, are some ways parents can help their children steer clear of the dangers.
- Teach children to stand up for themselves while respecting the rights of others. Point out the characteristics of healthy relationships, including shared decision-making and the maintenance of friends and interests outside of the relationship.
- Model good communication and listening in your own conversations, including the ones you have with your children. Listen without interrupting or judging.
- Never minimize your child’s feelings even if she’s mourning the end of a relationship that lasted all of two weeks. Remember and share your own early dating experiences.
- Avoid putting your child in the position of defending a relationship. Instead ask questions (Are you frightened by your boyfriend’s temper?) that will help her come to her own conclusions.
- Set ground rules. Meet the date and find out who’s driving, where they are going and when they plan to return. Have teens carry cell phones to maintain contact, and encourage them to have a safety plan and people they can call for help.
- Check with your child’s school to see if it has a violence-prevention program. (RESPECT, a school-based program provided by YES, teaches high school students to recognize the warning signs of dating violence and to spread that awareness to their peers.)
- If you suspect that your child is the perpetrator of abuse, talk with him or her about your concerns, debunking myths and making it clear that violence is never acceptable. If abuse occurs, consider professional counseling for victims and perpetrators.
‘Parenting Lifeline’ is a monthly column in the Bellevue Reporter newspapers by YES Executive Director Patti Skelton-McGougan. For more information call 425-747-4937 or ChristianB@YouthEastsideServices.org
Back to top
|
|
